Since a picture can worth a thousand words, I have 4 pictures. That's 4 thousand words!
P/S: My baby grows up real fast!
April 23, 2012
April 02, 2012
Motherhood
Have you ever fall in love with another person besides your spouse completely without feeling guilty nor bad about it? I have and I swear it's the most beautiful thing. No wonder there's a quote somewhere that sounded like
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
And there I was a couple of months ago thinking I'm no way near maternal instinct. I even thought that I could never feel whatever other mothers feel for their babies. The truth is you can never understand nor feel the love between a mother and her baby until you have one of your own.
Like the saying goes, you gotta see it (or in this case experience it) to believe it. It's like you have this overflowing of extra loves that you want everyone around you to feel it too. And you would do anything within your strength to protect this little one. I truly appreciate my mom more today. I understand a lot now why she is the way she is. Motherhood literally is a very hard full time job.
I learn that one too can have a greater love for his creator. A love so great it surpasses everything and every love in this world. And I pray that my love for him Allah s.w.t is that great. Insya'Allah.
Alhamdulillah and I thank Allah s.w.t every night for giving me this kind of bless and opportunity to experience being a mother.
March 24, 2012
About a baby
I think babies grow up fast! I'm starting to miss my fresh from the oven newborn and you know what? Their faces certainly changes throughout time. It's really amazing. Subhanallah.
On one angle I see myself in Wildan and in another angle I see my husband. Babies, You can't really tell who they resemble the most. Because naturally they came from 2 separate genes.
Note: Cutest thing ever; He loves chewing everything near his mouth.
On one angle I see myself in Wildan and in another angle I see my husband. Babies, You can't really tell who they resemble the most. Because naturally they came from 2 separate genes.
March 17, 2012
A sisterly love
When my sister first bought home a transparent alluring very sexy (insert more 18sx adjectives here) white top from House of Fraser, she mentioned it's going to be her Nikah (solemnization) top.
Naturally, I got the shock of my life.
My first reaction was "Are you serious? What are you trying to pull? There'll be kids at the wedding you know"
Of course I didn't have the vision and flair like she does. And not all people could pull off a top like that.
My sister is a natural-born artist with a complicated yet creative mind. Even when she was young she spends most of her time in her room drawing. Or more productively reading a manga comic as I would say it. I never get her.
Open up her school note books and you'll find drawing after drawing in almost every page. She would draw intently as if she's taking notes in class, like a good pupil. No wonder she's a teacher's pet and the head of prefect for the girls' division.
When it's time for a family outing, she'll take hours to get ready. Putting on all the colour tops and cardigans and quirky socks she loves at the same time at the same moment . That's fashion for her.
The funniest part has to be when she's being a storyteller. She'll laugh first before finishing her sentences. Leaving us audience in an awkward position. Really awkward as she expects us to laugh with her. Haha. She's so funny even when she did her BM karangan assignment she wrote "Hahaha" before finishing her (funny part as I may say) sentence. One time , there it was in the end of the page in red ink, her teacher wrote "see me after the class". I thought now that's a HAHA.
Another time we had a "guess the music" contest between us and aunty kecik. So each of us came up with a song and hummed it while the other 2 had to guess it. The person who guessed it right first wins. When it's her turn, nobody could guess what song she was humming. I don't think she could guess what song it was. Naturally we tease her a lot.
We're miles apart in the character department. Most of the time I feel like killing her. Metaphorically speaking of course. But that doesn't separate the fact that we look and sound alike. Even mommy sometimes mistook us on the phone. She's the baby in the family. Every kid, every uncle, every auntie who see her will love her for her innocence. Me on the other hand a trouble maker. The mischievous one. The independent one that couldn't care less as she puts it.
Her choices of shoes and clothes are utterly different from mine. I would just wear them as they are. But not her; she would tweak it here and there as she pleases. As she likes it to be. Most of them would look out of this world.
And turns out the sexy, transparent, alluring top was muslimah suitable for her nikah day after all. In fact it was more than that. It was perfect. She was perfect. Just like I imagined she would be. Whimsical as the theme dictated it.
Everything was perfect. As an architect-to-be she is now married to a family of architects. She can now get weird with them without a sister who raises an eyebrow every time she mentions a weird idea. Who annoys her about cleaning and being neat all the time.
A sister who teases her sometimes. OK. Most of the time. Who pushes her to her limits just to toughen her up. Who seems like she couldn't care less but quietly she can't sleep thinking about her safety and well-being. Who regrets it everytime she says something mean to her. I'm so sorry.
I know sometimes she feels like she wants to be the only girl in the family. But never ever would I trade her with anybody else. In an awkward way, I love her so much I wish she knew how much it is. And as much as would like to kill her sometime.
But kill for her? All the time. Again, metaphorically speaking of course.
P/S: I love you baby sister; congratulation on your wedding. Love Aju unconditionally and be good to each other. And oh! don't forget to teach him to cook. Man who knows to cook is just sexy. Haha...
Editor: Fadhli Mustaffa
Wedding photos by Ainul
Drawing by Thara Aziz
Naturally, I got the shock of my life.
My first reaction was "Are you serious? What are you trying to pull? There'll be kids at the wedding you know"
Of course I didn't have the vision and flair like she does. And not all people could pull off a top like that.
My sister is a natural-born artist with a complicated yet creative mind. Even when she was young she spends most of her time in her room drawing. Or more productively reading a manga comic as I would say it. I never get her.
Open up her school note books and you'll find drawing after drawing in almost every page. She would draw intently as if she's taking notes in class, like a good pupil. No wonder she's a teacher's pet and the head of prefect for the girls' division.
When it's time for a family outing, she'll take hours to get ready. Putting on all the colour tops and cardigans and quirky socks she loves at the same time at the same moment . That's fashion for her.
The funniest part has to be when she's being a storyteller. She'll laugh first before finishing her sentences. Leaving us audience in an awkward position. Really awkward as she expects us to laugh with her. Haha. She's so funny even when she did her BM karangan assignment she wrote "Hahaha" before finishing her (funny part as I may say) sentence. One time , there it was in the end of the page in red ink, her teacher wrote "see me after the class". I thought now that's a HAHA.
Another time we had a "guess the music" contest between us and aunty kecik. So each of us came up with a song and hummed it while the other 2 had to guess it. The person who guessed it right first wins. When it's her turn, nobody could guess what song she was humming. I don't think she could guess what song it was. Naturally we tease her a lot.
We're miles apart in the character department. Most of the time I feel like killing her. Metaphorically speaking of course. But that doesn't separate the fact that we look and sound alike. Even mommy sometimes mistook us on the phone. She's the baby in the family. Every kid, every uncle, every auntie who see her will love her for her innocence. Me on the other hand a trouble maker. The mischievous one. The independent one that couldn't care less as she puts it.
Her choices of shoes and clothes are utterly different from mine. I would just wear them as they are. But not her; she would tweak it here and there as she pleases. As she likes it to be. Most of them would look out of this world.
And turns out the sexy, transparent, alluring top was muslimah suitable for her nikah day after all. In fact it was more than that. It was perfect. She was perfect. Just like I imagined she would be. Whimsical as the theme dictated it.
A sister who teases her sometimes. OK. Most of the time. Who pushes her to her limits just to toughen her up. Who seems like she couldn't care less but quietly she can't sleep thinking about her safety and well-being. Who regrets it everytime she says something mean to her. I'm so sorry.
I know sometimes she feels like she wants to be the only girl in the family. But never ever would I trade her with anybody else. In an awkward way, I love her so much I wish she knew how much it is. And as much as would like to kill her sometime.
But kill for her? All the time. Again, metaphorically speaking of course.
P/S: I love you baby sister; congratulation on your wedding. Love Aju unconditionally and be good to each other. And oh! don't forget to teach him to cook. Man who knows to cook is just sexy. Haha...
Editor: Fadhli Mustaffa
Wedding photos by Ainul
Drawing by Thara Aziz
February 21, 2012
An Early Stage New Mom Achievements
There are many achievements a mother can parade on their wall by just being a mom, I realised. Like for example, the successful story of latching on their babies for breastfeeding, the success of nappies changing in the middle of the night when their little one decided to give them a wee fountain surprise, the success of making their newborn stop crying. And as time goes by, I'm pretty positive there are more where those achievements came from.
Like in my case, I had to stay in the hospital for 4 days. I bleed before and throughout my contractions and since it the pain was excruciating. Contraction was every 2 minutes and yet dilation was in micro mini scale. Oh God.
I took 2x painkillers, 2x pethidines (super sleepy to a point I was hallucinating), 1 hot bath (doesn't really works) and uncountable amount of injected epidural. Hah!! I could say I'm a labour pain-relievers expert on how they felt now. The last one, the epidural was the best invention in my case. It works really well for me at 4cm dilation and I slept like a baby for a good few hours.
Although mine was a normal labour, the process was so long it adds up to 36 hours. Thank goodness I didn't take water birth. There were a few complications here and there with the baby and my body not wanting to dilate. So in the end they had to induced my labour with drips.
So yeah, Imagine I had 2 drips in my left arm for induction and water drip for the epidural. I had the catheter hanged at my bladder and a small injected tube at my spine. Still I slept peacefully - First achievement.
Then at 10cm, come the pushing part. Oh my god the pushing part. No words can describe how energy- drained it was. Although I was on epidural I could still feel the huge pressure and the urge to push. Today's epidural wasn't like the old days where everything was numb you can't feel a thing. This one was in lower dose hence I can feel the contractions but without pain. And because of that in 20 minutes I felt the baby's head coming out. It wasn't long, a good 25 mins the baby is out! - Second achievement.
Since it was a 36 hours labour, my uterus decided she's too lazy to contract back so I had postpartum bleeding and I lost about 1.5 litre of blood. It became an emergency case and another drip was injected on my right arm. By this time my movement was so limited I feel I could become robocop anytime now.
And every needle poked, there's blood coming out. Forget how scary I was with needle, I was very generous with my blood somehow.
In the UK, just straight after labour they'll give you the baby. There's no nursery so the baby is with the mother all the time in recovery and ward. So here I am so clueless and tired with limited movement, I breastfed - Third achievement. So to cut everything short here are the lists of my achievements
Epidural tube took off - 4th achievement
Took off catheter - 5th achievement
Able to walk to the toilet - 6th achievement
Being able to wee without the catheter and horrible thought of the stitches - 7th achievement
Took off 1st and 2nd drip - 8th achievement
Become an expert in hand pump milk - 9th achievement
All that and after a week, my most dramatic achievement (I thought) was being able to open up my bowel. Yes.... with the stitches and countless iron tablets taken, it was the scariest thing I had to go through. No kidding, though it doesn't hurt as much, I was being a drama queen. But I just can't help myself.
Here I am after a month and with delight, I introduce you my most biggest achievement (is it the 10th??, ahh...why bother) by far in my life - Say hello to baby Wildan Aali Fairuz.
3 weeks later
Like in my case, I had to stay in the hospital for 4 days. I bleed before and throughout my contractions and since it the pain was excruciating. Contraction was every 2 minutes and yet dilation was in micro mini scale. Oh God.
I took 2x painkillers, 2x pethidines (super sleepy to a point I was hallucinating), 1 hot bath (doesn't really works) and uncountable amount of injected epidural. Hah!! I could say I'm a labour pain-relievers expert on how they felt now. The last one, the epidural was the best invention in my case. It works really well for me at 4cm dilation and I slept like a baby for a good few hours.
Although mine was a normal labour, the process was so long it adds up to 36 hours. Thank goodness I didn't take water birth. There were a few complications here and there with the baby and my body not wanting to dilate. So in the end they had to induced my labour with drips.
So yeah, Imagine I had 2 drips in my left arm for induction and water drip for the epidural. I had the catheter hanged at my bladder and a small injected tube at my spine. Still I slept peacefully - First achievement.
Then at 10cm, come the pushing part. Oh my god the pushing part. No words can describe how energy- drained it was. Although I was on epidural I could still feel the huge pressure and the urge to push. Today's epidural wasn't like the old days where everything was numb you can't feel a thing. This one was in lower dose hence I can feel the contractions but without pain. And because of that in 20 minutes I felt the baby's head coming out. It wasn't long, a good 25 mins the baby is out! - Second achievement.
Since it was a 36 hours labour, my uterus decided she's too lazy to contract back so I had postpartum bleeding and I lost about 1.5 litre of blood. It became an emergency case and another drip was injected on my right arm. By this time my movement was so limited I feel I could become robocop anytime now.
And every needle poked, there's blood coming out. Forget how scary I was with needle, I was very generous with my blood somehow.
In the UK, just straight after labour they'll give you the baby. There's no nursery so the baby is with the mother all the time in recovery and ward. So here I am so clueless and tired with limited movement, I breastfed - Third achievement. So to cut everything short here are the lists of my achievements
Epidural tube took off - 4th achievement
Took off catheter - 5th achievement
Able to walk to the toilet - 6th achievement
Being able to wee without the catheter and horrible thought of the stitches - 7th achievement
Took off 1st and 2nd drip - 8th achievement
Become an expert in hand pump milk - 9th achievement
All that and after a week, my most dramatic achievement (I thought) was being able to open up my bowel. Yes.... with the stitches and countless iron tablets taken, it was the scariest thing I had to go through. No kidding, though it doesn't hurt as much, I was being a drama queen. But I just can't help myself.
Here I am after a month and with delight, I introduce you my most biggest achievement (is it the 10th??, ahh...why bother) by far in my life - Say hello to baby Wildan Aali Fairuz.
Day 1
January 11, 2012
January 08, 2012
A few more days
I'm on my 38th weeks. The midwife said the baby has engaged and we have yet to confirm a name. We can't seem to make up our mind.
I have to say it is starting to feel uncomfortable with this huge belly and I've developed PUPPP, some sort of skin rashes that itched like there's no tomorrow. I bath in Calamine lotion. Despite it all I am very much one hell of an excited mom to be.
I'm on study-freeze mode. It's so relaxing and with mommy here in London, the house is in spic and span. Stress free I tell you.
Yesterday we went to Portabello Market just to look around. Mom wanted to look for antiques that catches her eyes. We went into this one shop full of old clothes, coats, shoes and handbags. It's a Vintage shop with old designers label which is so exciting to look at. A wall of Old shoes that cost a few hundred quids which I think it's a collector's item. And coats made of pure animal fur.
One thing about going out and about with a huge belly is you can't really walk so far. Your pelvic start to ache. So half way through the road I decided to just sit in a coffee shop, get warmed up, have a cake and a hot chocolate and wait for mom and my sister to finish looking around.
Just a few more days now!
I have to say it is starting to feel uncomfortable with this huge belly and I've developed PUPPP, some sort of skin rashes that itched like there's no tomorrow. I bath in Calamine lotion. Despite it all I am very much one hell of an excited mom to be.
I'm on study-freeze mode. It's so relaxing and with mommy here in London, the house is in spic and span. Stress free I tell you.
Yesterday we went to Portabello Market just to look around. Mom wanted to look for antiques that catches her eyes. We went into this one shop full of old clothes, coats, shoes and handbags. It's a Vintage shop with old designers label which is so exciting to look at. A wall of Old shoes that cost a few hundred quids which I think it's a collector's item. And coats made of pure animal fur.
One thing about going out and about with a huge belly is you can't really walk so far. Your pelvic start to ache. So half way through the road I decided to just sit in a coffee shop, get warmed up, have a cake and a hot chocolate and wait for mom and my sister to finish looking around.
Just a few more days now!
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